Word Porn

Lalochezia :(n) The emotional relief one gains from using profane or abusive language

Lately, I have been cruising a curious FB site called Word Porn. It has obscure, rarely used words and their definition. Great words like vagary: an unusual idea or action, or numinous: an experience that makes you fearful but fascinated.  I love these words because they describe some feeling or circumstance with that “just right word”. The exact word writers scour their brains for when trying to describe an emotion or thought, “just so”. 
Today I stumbled across the word,  lalochezia. Lalochezia is that profound relief and release that one feels when using a well placed F-bomb in frustrating circumstances,  or the b- word when describing someone’s else's most stupid and offensive action. Offensive language is best saved for such moments. If one drops f-bombs everywhere; twice in one sentence (I’m thinking college students here), or describes everything as f#*king awesome, the word loses considerable power. Profane words are best used sparsely, carefully and dropped when relief from an intense, emotionally distressing situation is imperative, like when the dog’s grooming appointment is at 10:00 and you are still chasing the little b&%$*d around the backyard at 10:20. More vigorous wording may be needed if the temperature is below, say 15 degrees and the furry mongrel has a f&#k-you gleam in his eye. Or you’ve purchased the 100 dollar ticket to this amazing concert and while halfway there you realize the ticket is sitting on top of your micro-wave at home. You may need to increase the intensity of your vocabulary when the traffic slows down to a near crawl. It is possible to combine words for more efficient emotional release. 

Many times offensive language is an important sanity saving maneuver.  If one drops them in regular conversation while describing Jaylo’s awesome rear end or that annoying office-mate who blows his nose loudly thirty times a day, obscene words lose power and fail to do their job in more emotional situations. Judicious use of profanity is a good thing and that I believe is its true purpose.

Black Friday Blues

I don’t mean to be Debbie Downer, but I am really sick of the consumerism of Christmas time. The spectacle of black Friday left me feeling a little disappointed in mankind.  Gift giving is stressful and let’s face it, pretty unrewarding. When I think of how long I used to shop for my critical mother in law I realize the compulsive Christmas gift giving ritual has no real meaning.  Most of us in this country can buy what we need. I personally can’t think of a thing that I would want for Christmas and I don’t want anyone running around the mall in a quandary trying to please me. Cookies, wine and some laughing until my belly hurts are high on my list.  My kids and I have made a pact. We are planning a very small Christmas with no stress. I have purchased used books from Amazon for each of them. That’s it. I am feeling truly free and happy about this. My daughter plans on making gifts for everyone (she’s crafty). I am not feeling at all Grinchy, in fact I feel that this year my family will be happier and healthier than ever. My boys can bring the wine and cookies. Ho-Ho-Ho

P.S. The best gift ever was an old Nancy Drew mystery book that my daughter transformed into a photo album. She’s crafty!

A Special Gift From the Universe

Ahhh…  I am contemplating that uncommon day of cozy freedom ….that glorious day when piles of blowing snow forces schools to close.  Rare as a black diamond, granted by the gods of snow, the precious snow day recharges a teacher’s soul. All tasks are put aside and the body and mind gloriously rest with delicious permission from the highest authorities. Before that golden call comes from administrators, the day starts as usual.  The body rolls out of bed at the customary time, and starts the coffee. While showering the mind has already begun reviewing the day’s plans and races ahead to organize activities. While dressing for work and thinking about the problems of the day the phone rings. Could it be? Halleluiah, the people with the power have decreed it. No school today! With an exquisite sigh, the mind suddenly changes gears as thoughts of the hectic day fall away.  All plans are forgotten while body sinks into the couch sipping fresh brewed coffee and watching the snow fly. The world has granted you, the teacher, special authorization to rest and enjoy the lovely morning inside your snug, warm house. No going outside to scrape the windshield of your car and shiver until the car heater warms up the interior. No freezing dash from car to the inside of the school to set up for the day. The universe has bestowed upon you a special grace day. So, teacher, simply sit and contemplate life and the beauty of nature’s snowstorm from the safe warmth of a cozy room. 

P.S. My apologies to everyone that is inconvenienced by the snow day. 

S.P.S. One might interpret the above as a lack of dedication. Alas, the occasional snow day revives the teacher’s weary mind.  I assure you, too many snow days in a row cause much mental stress to the teacher who cares!