Why I Don't Have a Date

A plethora of dating advice is available for singles on the web. Advice comes in instructional articles like “What to say on a First Date”, to the persuasive “How to Make Your Guy Commit”. Recently I read one that asked the question, “Would you date yourself”? Hmm…. This got me thinking. Am I datable?

Top Ten Reasons to Not Date Me:

    1. I am a lousy dog owner.  My little spaniel, Bubba, is not groomed, he is obnoxious and he bites. When I open the front door he rushes out to bark at any people passing by. My neighbors hate this.  I may need a dog whisperer. 

    2.  I am a terrible procrastinator. I just don’t feel motivated until the last minute. When that last minute comes, you had better not bother me. I can get cranky when deadlines loom. I always swear to never do it again, but…

    3.   I snore... but I don’t want to admit that. I also don’t want anyone pointing it out to me. 

    4. I’m a car slob. You will have to push candy wrappers, socks and a couple of books off the passenger seat before you sit down. Good luck finding room for your feet. 

    5. I hate to cook. Wanted: one man who likes to cook. 

    6.  I take mascara on hiking trips…especially the overnight ones. (Also, night cream, hairbrush, etc.: you will be carrying the food).

    7.   I am terrible at buying presents. Christmas means useless gadgets and ties. Unless you’re a reader, and then (thank goodness) it’s easy to shop for you.  

    8.   I go on crazy health kicks, like the time I drank nothing but spinach smoothies for three days. I have resveratrol, green coffee and turmeric in my medicine chest. I will insist that you give these treats a try. 

    9.   I don’t know a thing about cars, so if you have a nice one I won’t appreciate it. I will eat chips in your car. Especially if you are a neat freak, because neat freaks make me feel ornery. 

   10.   Finally, number ten. Since I can barely admit this one to myself I will not be publishing it here. Yikes!